Sammy stopped off here earlier eating half a banana. I asked him where the other half was, and he told me that I didn't want to know. This kind of thing always annoys me, because I wouldn't have asked otherwise. Fucking people annoy me so much. I feel like Harry Dean Stanton half the time. Travis Bickle of the north. It's funny how all the great outcasts of cinema have been men. I can't think of one movie about a female loner. It's a real shame - although I'm guessing that it's just assumed that all woman can get company when they want by tipping someone a fly wink and flashing their cleavage. It's sad, but true. All we have to do is act like whores if we're lonely. It's different for men. I think there's a general assumption that it's the MEN that have to impress the WOMEN, and hardly ever the other way round. This is definitely my experience of it, as well. 

I dunno, I just cringe when I hear about guys having no "self-confidence" around women. What the hell does that even mean? It's so arrogant. It's like they ASSUME that fucking is in the air whenever they talk to a girl. It's such a load of crap I can't believe it. Hardly any men know how to talk to women properly. This is what's wrong with the world today; all this online-ness is turning us all into social retards. If someone knocked on my door right now, I wouldn't know what to do. I've almost forgotten how to speak. I can't even remember what my voice sounds like. Whenever I have a conversation, I have to wiggle my fingers in front of me so it feels as if I'm typing. I blame the parents.

Ah, I don't know what else to write. I'll just shoot from the hip.

I saw a girl looking out of the window back-facing a cold geriatric with a cold, blank stare.A Green Lizard boy with a slow idiot smile posed on the bank of a stagnant stream under a railway bridge, hissing sparks at me like I'd done something sick and depraved. This was like a fraying descent into hell. Nascent adjectives swirled around me in a whispered frenzy, plumbing the cold depths of my soul with prying, blunted fingers.

Touch faith torture pastwood. Dreamboats lie in greener pastures, guy - jump on and head off. Kick a baby square in the face and watch it recoil. gazes in mortal satisfaction. Likened to a fly-by-night shoegazer.

Saddened by coiled loss, he drapes soiled plumage around a charred flaming corpse's upper ruby. Gun ridge fucked hard by obseqious daggets. Fittened in by gutted spinsters he cries out for a better age, a better gain, a better hunger and dusted wasters perchin listlessly on a hapless dollar bill. "Take it!" he cries, with dry bluster, "take it and leave!".

It's all but a shut door - liken it to decrepit plumage of scarecrowed fags. That shit-mawed harbinger brings shallow forthwithness to any who ask. And many do, many do, fucked by the talent-jumper of fortune jaded by the misery of others. 

 

I need to get out more.

I had a dream last night that I had sex with a hermaphrodite.
I am very worried about this, because it wasn't eroticised in any way....it happened like it does on a James Bond film. You know how the camera sort of detatches itself and shows like the bottom of the bed with all the clothes hastily strewn around it? That was my dream.

Except the person I was dreaming of was a letterbox AND a postman at the same time 0_0

My dreams always happen like that. It's very rare that I actually experience things as myself. It's like I'm an onlooker to the whole thing, but still have some control over it. I wish they made films like that...............but then it'd just end up being like that Bill Hicks routine with interactive porn and everyone would end up sitting at home all day fucking Pamela Anderson. Or whoever. I can't see what men find attractive about her.
But then again, what do I know? I dream of shagging hermaphrodites.

=/

Hmm....I don't think that was the whole of the dream though. If I strain really really hard, I can picture an image of Ian Curtis turning slowly into a crab, and singing a new Joy Division song.


Oh well, there's my first entry. I dare say I'll do another one sometime soon.